Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
