Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
As shirtless as possible
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
