This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
