Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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