Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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