You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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