I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
