Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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