your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
