if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
