Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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