I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
