I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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