what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
