were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
