Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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