get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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