After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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