I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I have tasted many bathrooms
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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