I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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