Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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