Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
