No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
