Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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