i jhust puked up my retainher.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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