If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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