i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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