he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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