hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
