Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
