Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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