Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
I used to kick so much ass
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
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i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
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From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy