and i looked up. we had an audience...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
being pregnant is like rehab
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
