Texts From Last Night

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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.

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  (419): I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl. http://tfl.nu/cxal
  Replies (23) Good night (1646) Bad night (1284)
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  (530): View more from California

  Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust

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  (530): Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust http://tfl.nu/l0ps
  Replies (10) Good night (3681) Bad night (950)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".

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  (928): Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex". http://tfl.nu/7v4e
  Replies (56) Good night (30907) Bad night (1759)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms

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  (804): he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms http://tfl.nu/3xwg
  Replies (2) Good night (3555) Bad night (941)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick

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  (727): the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick http://tfl.nu/3g66
  Replies (10) Good night (6105) Bad night (1468)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint

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  (404): She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint http://tfl.nu/mdfm
  Replies (7) Good night (3077) Bad night (1154)
• Favorite

  (830): View more from Texas

  i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...

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  (830): i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone... http://tfl.nu/i2ws
  Replies (13) Good night (2572) Bad night (888)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  My bed is full of blood and feathers

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  (931): My bed is full of blood and feathers http://tfl.nu/0j2w
  Replies (10) Good night (591) Bad night (1419)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?

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  (910): Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares? http://tfl.nu/w5f4
  Replies (16) Good night (733) Bad night (1589)
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  (213): View more from California

  And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at

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  (213): And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at http://tfl.nu/rkdn
  Replies (5) Good night (1785) Bad night (555)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.

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  (513): She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl. http://tfl.nu/kcuq
  Replies (5) Good night (1530) Bad night (479)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.

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  (585): I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in. http://tfl.nu/1xha
  Replies (4) Good night (540) Bad night (535)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom

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  (443): i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom http://tfl.nu/onuv
  Replies (0) Good night (490) Bad night (377)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts

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  (716): I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts http://tfl.nu/te6p
  Replies (4) Good night (300) Bad night (530)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.

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  (616): I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside. http://tfl.nu/l42r
  Replies (2) Good night (258) Bad night (619)

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