I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob