It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
