im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Every concussion has its silver lining
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
