Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
