why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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