So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
