Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize