She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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