You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
it wasn't lemon gatorade
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
