I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
