And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
