Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
