Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino