My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.