Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT