I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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