i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm too high and old for this...