i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
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You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
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I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today