Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
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Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
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Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic