11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
