my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
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