Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
