does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
