Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
