I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
