Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
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