We got so high we made milksteak
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
