Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
