i would punch a child for taco bell
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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