Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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