I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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