3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
