A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
