May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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