I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize