Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Randomize
