She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
