I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
