I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
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rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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