My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
