so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
