ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
