There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Damn victory sex feels great
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