I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
