That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
