Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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