I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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