I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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