Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
porn star boner night. come get it.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
