Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
