I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
