You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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