just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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