I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
