Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
