Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
