Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
