Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
