don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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