Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I will die if light touches me.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's shark week go big or go home
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
