I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Damn victory sex feels great
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
