Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It's just like the Real World with babies
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
