I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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