Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
