just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
